Late April Rambles...

Late April Rambles…

By John W. Vander Velden  

Throughout the years I have used this platform to share my thoughts and feelings.  I have written small pieces that I have shared with you, pieces describing day’s beginnings…and endings, sensations of a walk on a frigid night.  I have spoken of star filled skies, of tired old barns, of the fresh new leaves of spring.  I have shared my thoughts about the courage of the everyman in “Heroes”, of the importance of the unique individual in “Square Pegs”, and about how our view of the world changes by where we stand in “Perspective”. 

There were times I reached deep within to release thoughts in the hope that some meaning might be found for me…the writer…and you…the reader.  Those have been lofty goals…unreached perhaps…but sometimes the reaching is enough.  For it is only through the reaching we can stretch…and through the stretching we can become something larger.

I do not pretend that these few words, I post each week, will change the world.  I do not imagine that these few words will change any of my readers.  But I have found that these few words have changed…me.

That was never the purpose I had hoped to accomplish.  Times I have shared my dream for this enterprise.  Those particular expectations will never come to fruition.  Once that failing did concern me…I saw it as the value of this Blog…I was foolish…naïve… Now I understand that the journey is as much a part of the traveling as the destination…and these post have very much been that journey…and it continues.

So to those that travel with me…thank you for your time…and your trust. 

The road trip has changed.  The pace may be slower. But for now I must stretch…and it is my hope that I will grow…

Self-reliance

Self-reliance              

By John W. Vander Velden

 

I think self-reliance is an admirable quality, but, in truth, none of us achieve complete independence.  No matter how we strive to “deal with it” on our own, sooner or later we find that help is needed one way or the other.  Yet many of us strive to “take on the world” all by ourselves.  Hmmmmmmm….

This comes to the forefront of my mind because my son approaches an important milestone, his college graduation.  And having a degree opens doors he has yearned to step through.  Nick is very ready, mentally, to begin his life.  I am certain he feels that all the years of schooling are just that…schooling, and now the real “stuff” can begin.  There is a bit of truth to that…but just a bit.  For our lives start, at the beginning, even before our earliest memories.  Life is about steps taken…doors pass through…ordinary days and the extra ordinary ones.  Life is about living and it is made up of all the days we are given…including our youth and ALL the years of our education.

Yesterday Nick signed a lease agreement for an apartment out of state.  He moves soon.  He has done all the leg work, the research, the correspondence, the driving, the paying, on his own, and I respect him for that.  It is a sign of his self-reliance.  Nick has the need to prove himself, to his parents perhaps, but to himself mostly.  People tell me that he needs this job in another state to build his independence.  I just shake my head and think he has been independent for five years, living on his own, only reaching out for help in the most dire of emergencies…it practically never happens.  He would scarcely be more independent if he lived on the moon!

He’ll be living five or six hours away…not too far I suppose, but it hurts.  His self-reliance breaks our hearts.  Not because we do not want him to stand on his own two feet, but rather our mind clings to the time when he didn’t need to.  I think that is the crux of it.  As parents it is hard for us to accept the change in roles that we face.  Nick’s independence and self-reliance are signs of a “cord” cut that can never be knotted together in the same way again.  We stand quietly and watch as he takes a divergent road knowing that we are left behind…spectators…proud to be certain, but spectators all the same.

Nick is not the only one that will see a grand change in his life.

We want Nick to be self-reliant.  We want him to be independent.  We want him to live his own productive life.  Yet as we see our own involvement shrinking, we smile while feeling left behind…even though being left behind was the goal in the first place. 

There is something to be said about goals, of planning, of succeeding.  But with anything gained a price must be paid, and only parents understand the price of their child’s self-reliance.

 (510 Words)  4-11-2018

 

The Doorway

The Doorway 

By John W. Vander Velden

       

We stand at the doorway, uncertain what waits beyond.  Remembering too well all that lies behind us, our pains, our failures.  The road traveled, each mile unique, a pathway with bumps and chuckholes.  For each, the journey traveled has made us.  Are we not formed by the years…by the challenges…by the hardships…by our achievements?  Step by step we move forward, down one hallway following another, around corners unexpected, often facing the greatest resistor…our own feeling of inadequacy.  Knowing ourselves too well, seeing all kept hidden from others, our weaknesses, so obvious, fuels our fears.  Each day, doubt’s strength grows.  We feel bound by the past.  How can we lift ourselves above the mire…this time?  Yet an optimism, as we face the future, a tool worthy of hope’s possibilities, for we once more stand in the doorway.  Though the future beyond is hidden, surely it offers both risk and great triumph, it remains for us to choose.  Charge forward, chin high, eyes set, seeking what can, ignoring those that say nay, or to cower fearful made impotent by the lies of smaller minds.  What do you choose…for we stand at the doorway!

(196 Words)  1-2012