Thirty-Three

 

Thirty-Three

By John W. Vander Velden

 

Thirty-three is an odd number. Not only because the integer is not divisible by two, but it doesn’t quite fit in with others very well. All the same it comes to my mind in several ways. One example. I have a stack of LPs, what are now called vinyls. In the day before CDs became the norm, certainly long before digital music of any kind, long playing records were common. Those platters were spun on turntables rotating at thirty-three and a third revolutions per minute.

Even then the number seemed a bit strange. It was the one third that made it most peculiar. For wouldn’t thirty- three or thirty- four make more sense. Yes, thirty-three and a third times three, which seems like an awful lot of threes, equals one hundred. So why did someone in the know pick thirty-three and change for the speed of a LP. For that matter why had someone picked seventy-eight rpm for the first pressed recording, and forty-five rpms for singles with that silly big center hole?

Who knows?

And in truth, who really cares. It is just some silly thoughts that have passed between my ears as the number thirty-three approaches for a much different reason. For you see thirty-three years is a milestone that Jackie and I have reached.

I can remember a snowy March Saturday. The gray day with thin wisps of snow blowing across US 6 as we went to a church. Much of that morning is lost, for now in a blur of memories faded by thirty-three years. But there are portions of that day I will never forget. Portions of infinite importance to me. Memories of friends, best friends of years shared. Memories of brothers, true friends by blood. I remember a set of clothes I only wore once. I remember waiting, anticipating in front of a room filled with those I had known and loved, and others I have come to love. I remember the music, the emotion, the fear.

At thirty-seven I was no longer a child, but I understood the intensity of the moment I face. How I was about to change my life in a way that could never be undone. I stood with my band of brothers, kin and friends, prepared, I thought, to make a vows to Jackie. Prepared to give more than my life, but also my heart, my future, my everything. Willing to bind my life to this woman who was foolish enough to accept this pitiful person who loved her.

We have shared this life for thirty-three years, and what a ride it has been. There are times when it seems impossible it has been that long. Surely that number is inflated. But when I take the time to look back at what has occured, the places we have seen, the child we raised that is now a man. When I consider and all our triumphs, for there have been several, and remember the tragedies we have endured, then yes, the span of years has been significant.

But anniversaries should not be limited to a rear view of years passed. It also needs to be a time for looking forward. A time of anticipation. No, we do not know what our future holds but we know, that for now, we walk boldly hand in hand. And have confidence we will never be alone, even if the day comes when the two of us becomes the one left behind. For God will never abandon, and love’s cord cannot be severed.  

I have been honored to have shared my life with Jackie. She has been my dearest friend for thirty-three years. Oh she’s not perfect, but she’s my champion. The person I can always count upon. The person that sees more in me than I see in myself. Jackie has helped me rise to places I would never imagine reaching. It is my hope I have aided her assent as well.

In this life we are a team... And as a team, and with God’s help, we stride forward into the next thirty- three years or however many we are given!

(690 Words) 3-17-2022

Thirty-Two

 

Thirty-Two

 

By John W. Vander Velden 

Each person has moments when their lives change dramatically. Some are anticipated events that bring expected results. But most often, even in changes we have longed to occur, there are some surprises along the way. 

I guess I had given up hope, before I met her. I had reached acceptance of myself and my life as a single person. Coming to that point was a slow drawn out process. But I had. I recognized that I had to respect myself, and enjoy my life as it was. Reaching that destination, I TRUSTED that God had placed me in the life I had been given, and must go forward without attempting to force my existence into another form. 

That’s when the unexpected happened. 

I believe the most wonderful events are the unexpected surprises that “knock your socks off”. I met Jackie by chance at my youngest brother’s wedding. Truthfully not a bad place to start an acquaintance. That was a beginning, it was not some storybook kind of tale you might view on a Hallmark Channel. It was a start of two very human people…meeting…getting to know one another…realizing our commonalities… understanding our differences, and growing closer. 

You see, when I gave up looking for love…love found me… 

On a snowy Saturday some years later, my life changed…dramatically. Many of those changes were expected…some were not. How could a thirty-seven year old man be so unprepared? Perhaps because he WAS thirty-seven. Every road has some bumps but with time, patience, experience, and love, we have managed to smooth out the way substantially. 

When we look forward at a time period, the years seem to stretch far into the distance, but when we look back…well things look differently. We certainly would not have considered ourselves youngsters on that Saturday. Yet now thirty-two years later when I look back, it is hard not to see how young and naïve we were. 

Yet what an adventure we began that day. The places we have gone, the things we have seen, the experiences along the way. A child born, raised, and sent out on his own wings. Challenges met. Crisis averted. Loved ones lost. We shared joys. We shared tears. We shared grand achievements. We stood together in our failures. The binding grows stronger with each year. The time we have in common greater than the before…for her, and nearly equal for me. 

Love is a verb! 

But the energy required for love to grow has, with time, diminished. Perhaps it is the shared history, but I believe our love is tied to our undying mutual respect for one another. An honest acceptance of the other’s strengths and weaknesses. Reaching the point where the other…“the better half’s”… needs exceed our own. 

Each day, is for me, another gift that I have been blessed to share with the one person…the only person…I long to spend those hours with...Jackie. 

Thirty- two years ago I willingly joined a team…a team of two. For a time it was a team of three, but it’s just the two of us again. No, we are not alone in the world. No, there are many that hold special portions of our lives. But when the lights go out and when the sun rises again, it is just us…the two of us. And has been for thirty-two wonderful years… 

3-16-2021 (563 Words)   

One Year In

 

One Year In

 

By John W. Vander Velden

 Hard to imagine that we have lived a full year beneath the shadow of COVID-19. It certainly has not been the situation we would have chosen for those twelve months. There was little ordinary about the bulk of 2020. And 2021’s early months have continued the trend. Most of us know victims of this disease that has swept the world. And each of us know the name of at least one that had lost the battle, taken too soon. 

But where do we find ourselves…today. 

We have become numb to the shock and aw of what has been the sudden unknown thrust into our lives. Seeing covered faces is no longer an odd experience. The term “social distance” has been added to our vocabulary. Most have hand sanitizer at the ready. Talk of vaccination scheduling is heard often. But too often we hear the words like, I wish things would get back to normal.   

It is certainly the wish we all share. That our lives return to the pre-COVID world. Personally, I had believed that with last summer’s sun the danger would dissipate. Silly me. Researching the Spanish Flu of 1918-1919 opened my eyes to the likely possibility of a longer crisis. Recently the number of COVID fatalities has passed 500K. No matter what your view is on that count, the number reveals too many heartbreaks of the many families that face the loss of friends, parents, children, siblings, co-workers, and neighbors. 

Thankfully the numbers are trending downward, and with the commitment of EACH of us that trend SHOULD continue. 

We have suffered a year. If EVERYONE does their part, then together we can overcome this disease. Let us take the small and sometimes uncomfortable tasks to help one another. NO ONE enjoys wearing a mask, but I can tell you, from my family’s own experience, it HELPS. It helps those that wear the face covering and it helps those they meet. Follow the social distancing guidelines. Surely, we long to, once again, hug our extended family members and others we love.

Friends, the opportunity will return. 

There is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, it grows brighter every day. Millions have been vaccinated…millions more will need to receive their shots for “herd immunity” to become the virus slayer needed. 

Last week I received my first COVID shot. I look forward to the second piercing of the arm only weeks away. Science offers me, and others as well, a likely escape from this pandemic. Yet, time will tell of the vaccine’s success. But I will do my part…for my family…for yours. 

One year in and the world is a different place. 

But together we WILL defeat COVID, if each of us does what is needed, even at times when doing so is painful…uncomfortable…difficult. For nothing worth achieving has ever come easily or without price. 

Now that we are, all of us, one year in, I promise you that I will do my part as best as I am able. To carry my share of the burden. To set aside my personal wants, of gathering with others, of traveling to the distant places I love, and even to visit my son out of state, until I am certain I cannot be a factor in COVID’s spread. Those are the promises I make, because I believe I MUST do my part. 

Will you not promise to do the same…

 

(570 Words) 3-4-2021

Unfinished Tapestry

Unfinished Tapestry          

By John W. Vander Velden

There are times when I look back over the years of my life. I sometimes consider the life I have lived as some intricate piece of fabric...a tapestry perhaps...yet unfinished. So as I think on this I understand that loom continues to work each day, contributing cords old and new to the tapestry which is my life. So I must thank the Lord of the Loom, God, Master of the Universe, Master of my life, for the careful selections of the cords, the strands that come together and make my life. I thank God, not because my tapestry is only bindings of joyful experiences, for it is not. I thank God because even during the most difficult, dark portions of my fabric, even during illness, and pain, even during loss and failure, the loom continues. Thread by thread, cord by cord, line by line, my God has always been there, even those days I do not notice His presence.

Today as I look back upon the fabric of my life, I clearly see an abrupt change. For thirty-one years ago many new cords were added. Strands that twist and flow through each part of my tapestry since that day. Those strands add color. They add strength. They add purpose. They add to me! Who could have foreseen it? Who knew how much events of that day would add to my tapestry? I am confident that the Lord of the Loom knew, and among all that I have to thank God for, which is a grand quantity, I thank him for bringing my beloved into my life and twisting the strands of her tapestry with mine.

So I understand that my tapestry remains incomplete. It will not be finished until the Lord of the Loom stitches the final cords. He will decide if, in the end, my life was good. But I strive to take the cords I have been given, to use them as best as I am able, for I have some influence over how my tapestry grows. For you see the Lord of the Loom gives me freedom to choose. To pick up strands, to lay others aside, a power to shape my life day by day. And yet the loom moves, the tapestry grows.

I thank the fact my tapestry is yet incomplete. I thank my God that opportunities yet lay ahead of me. I thank Jackie for selflessly binding her life with mine thirty- one years ago and each day since.

So I continue to look forward to adding threads to my unfinished tapestry. 

(427 Words) 3-17-2020

Thirty Years

Thirty Years

 

By John W. Vander Velden

 

There are mileposts in our lives. Things that stand out. Some we recognize in the distance and gladly await, feeling certain of the changes that will come. Becoming a teenager, perhaps, or the day we leave out teen years behind. Some stand out as an award on their own. A powerful statement of accomplishment. Surely none of us will forget our graduation(s) and what we thought that mile marker meant. There are other things that come upon us, some happy others not so much, but they are significant moments in our lives. Some revealed as public celebrations others marks of private sorrow. In truth we share those as well; it is just parts of life.

For me there is a mile marker that comes each year. In the hectic-ness of my days I can appreciate the significance of the marker that picks up a bit of value with each passing. On Monday I meet that signpost for the thirtieth time, and find myself bit surprised. Not by the fact that Jackie and I are still married, but rather that somehow thirty years have passed since that snowy afternoon I committed my life to hers. Or more accurately we committed our lives to each other.

Thirty years. In a world when we witness too many throwaway relationships, somehow Jackie and I have ridden out the storms and become stronger in the process. I have no secret to share. We move forward…together. I guess that says it all. It seems to me that love is an intangible. You can’t measure it with a ruler, or measuring cup, or weigh it on a balance. You can’t reach out and pluck it out of the air and hold it. It isn’t like that…it’s so much more. Those that experience love, real love, are fortunate. But love is more than just the intangible force that can sweep a person away…it is a commitment. It is deciding to love someone, to give each day not expecting anything in return. That is real love. And to find someone that feels the same way about you, someone that has decided to love you in that same way, without keeping score, just loving, is the most wonderful thing that can happen to any of us.

So thirty years is a mark I will savor. I will not wonder about the number of years that lay before us, for I did not begin this shared journey as a young man. But I will take a bit of time and look back at a frightened couple that stood before their family and friends, that stood before God Almighty, daring to pledge themselves to each other…forever…no matter what, and how I feared myself insufficient for the task.

You see, I never doubted Jackie, I doubted myself.

They were not thirty years of only butterflies and rainbows. They were thirty years of life, of highs and lows, of laughter and tears, of joys and pains. Together we have grown, and growing we have learned, and learning we became a bit wiser, and through that small touch of wisdom we understood each other better, and with that understanding we became bound in ways I could never have imagined.

It is love. More than infatuation, more than romance, though romance is necessary, it is more than passion, even though passion is an important ingredient. Love is all those things and so much more. It is reaching the place where you cannot imagine your life without your soul mate.

That is love, and that is where I find myself now after thirty years 

 

(602 Words) 3-15-2019

 

 

Twenty-Eight

Twenty-Eight

By John W. Vander Velden

In life, most of us would like things to stay as they are.  But life is not stagnant.  For if life remained puddled and un-changing then perhaps after a time it too, like a pool of standing water, would lose the very vibrancy we need. 

There are the changes most profound in our lives, and the binding of my life to another ranks high on that list.  But looking back…and remembering…I can still see that day clearly.  A snowy cold March day.  I remember the snow blowing across US 6, thin white wisps skittering from left to right as Jim and I drove to the church.  The hours standing in a small noisy Sunday School room, the excitement and tension that filled the space I shared with family members and Gerrit, my closest friend.  Strange that on that afternoon someone else would become my closest friend.  Not that I don’t think the world of Gerrit, but he would understand, it’s the way it should be.  Like I said life’s changes.

Much of that day is a blur of hours and events.  But I remember how I felt then…how seriously I took the significance of that day.  To me the vows taken then were forever… Frightening isn’t it.  I think it should be.  I remember waiting at the front of the church for a beautiful woman.  A woman that for whatever reason, foolishly agreed to tie her life to mine.  I remember her trembling lips and all I wanted to do was let her know everything would be alright.  But I was not so young or naïve that I could, in all honesty, make such a promise.  For I understood that in life things change, and no one could guarantee the perfection of smooth sailing in our future.  All I could do was promise that no matter what, we would face…the whatever…together.

That was the promise I made that day.  That is the promise I make each day.  That one plus one is so much more than two.  And a truly bound couple is a force to be reckoned with.

But today I must convince myself it has been twenty-eight years.  Surely it cannot be. 

Wasn’t it just....

Well, no….I guess it wasn’t…

But when I allow myself to think about all the things we faced, all the challenges, all the problems overcome, all the wonderful times, all the things we have done and seen together…well then…I guess…yes, it has.

Life continues to change, and we continue to grow with those changes.  I still cannot promise that everything will be alright, that the future is all blue skies and songbirds.  But I cannot imagine facing… the whatever…without Jackie at my side and am grateful I don’t have to.

So I wish my beloved, Happy Anniversary, and state here and now, that she is the best thing that has entered into my changing life.  Together, my love, together we have all the years that God gives us.  Together we can face any changes that lie ahead.  Together we can look past storm clouds to the rainbow that will come.  For twenty-eight is but the beginning…

(534 Words)  3-16-2017

  

Twenty-seven

Twenty-Seven…

By John W. Vander Velden

 

There are numbers that stand out, and there are numbers that seem to blend invisibly into the row of integers.   Twenty-seven is one of those kinda’ insignificant numbers that carry little weight on its own, just not quite halfway between twenty-five and thirty.  But when I consider the journey of my life I find each day carries value, so why not twenty-seven years.

I look back…too often I will admit, and looking back I recognize a “sheer point” in my life.  Each of us has those moments, when everything changes.  I think it is important to dwell on those moments in the past that changed our lives.  I believe it helps us understand the place we find ourselves…at this moment.  But in any case, I think about a snowy Saturday afternoon when I stood at the front of a packed church and waited…not long, but I waited for my beloved to join me there. 

But that joining was more than two people standing side by side.  It was more than some spatial approximation, a closeness that could be measured by a ruler.  It was the joining of two lives, the binding of people promising each other a closeness unmeasurable.  The term cleave come to mind, the welding two individuals into one life.  Those that have not found themselves in that type of relationship cannot understand the depth and strength of that weld nor do they comprehend the freedom each part of that alloy receives from the joining.  But those, the fortunate, the ones that gain so much by surrendering just a mite of themselves, find themselves in calm agreement.

Twenty-seven years.  Years of challenges, years of striving, in the face of misunderstandings and hurt feelings, years of achievements, years of growth, years of support, and years of supporting.  Easy…not always…but easier than trudging on alone.  Time has made us as converging lines, coming ever closer together as the years pass.  The binding only began twenty-seven years ago.  The binding grows stronger each day with the knowing, the lessons life teaches, the time shared…the laughter as well as the tears.

I am not the same man I was twenty-seven years ago.  My beloved is not the same woman.  While I stood and waited, filled with fears and self-doubts, I could never have imagined the adventures we have shared since that day.  On that day one man and one woman became more than a couple, we became something bold, something new.  One plus one is so much more than two!

Some might say that twenty-seven years is a long time, but I, even when I look back, would not.  Time rushes on and my life will continue to change.  I know that this segment of my life’s journey has had its effect on me…it has made me a better man in so many ways.  I thank Jackie for that as well.  I thank her for the nine thousand eight hundred and sixty-two days…each and every one of them…we have shared.  But most of all I thank her for the love she has so freely poured on this undeserving man.

So happy anniversary my dear, perhaps twenty-seven years is no longer the beginning…but it is nowhere near the end!