Who I Am

 

Who I Am

 

By John W. Vander Velden

 

Perhaps it is counterproductive to take the time for self-examination. Yet I find there are moments when I ask the questions in an attempt to understand …who I am. For, hopefully, the answer to those inquiries is deeper that the reflection I see in my bathroom mirror. I believe that each of us is much more than the veneer we show the world around us. The part of us revealed by our actions as we go about living the most ordinary portions of our lives.

It is not for me to decide the value of my actions, any more than I should choose which tasks I engage, or which people I take the time to aid or assist. Those activities, which I decide to do, are mostly shaped subconsciously by the man I am. Others will judge if the way I spend my time is a benefit or a bane, and yet I, on occasion, wonder about the quality of the person I am becoming.

For I understand that I am molded by the activities in which I participate, by the things I select to observe, choose to hear, or pick up to read. So times come when I must take a deeper examination of how these stimuli work to form the man I am becoming. And whether those changes are for my best.

Or the best for those near me. Those I interact with each day.

Yet, I am the first to admit that I am not the person to make that designation...of whether I am in a process of growth or decline. A person cannot be objective enough when looking inward, can they? The fact is I have hashed over my personal failings thousands of times. Events long ago gnaw at me still...remind me of the flawed person that moves about within my skin.

Does self-incrimination drive one to improve?

Perhaps.

I think it can, if, in my case, if I recognize the root causes that drove my actions, see my error, and understand how I should have behaved. Each person must address their own past ghosts and the effects of their hauntings.

As for me I feel that I have changed. That time and life has worked to make me into a different person than the one of years ago. I have learned. I have accepted. I have grown.

Late at night, in the dark, when I search myself deeply...privately...I must accept the man I have become while I remain dedicated in my attempt to improve myself. The task would be impossible except for my faith in something far beyond me. For woven within the fabric of who I am, is what I am...a child of God.

For it is my hope, my deepest hope, that my God and the faith I carry within me, pushes me to become something more that skin, muscles, organs, bones, and mind. That what I am is more than this vessel you might see.

More than the vessel I see.

For I have confidence that God sees deeper that even my critical self-examinations. Deeper than I could possibly imagine.

So these few words offer me a method to study myself in a new way. To lay out some of the puzzle pieces that make up this man, the pretty parts and the ugly. To handle each with the reverence they deserve. For I would love to cast aside some of the pieces of that puzzle, but the picture of who I am could not be completed without them.

But God has taken those pieces. The ones I am proud of. The ones I regret. Washed each of them clean in a way that only the Almighty is able. He is aiding in my assembly of the puzzle I am...each day. Helping me move forward day by day. Strengthening weary muscles and failing intensions. You see I know that, in the end, if I remain focused on the larger realities, God is helping me to become...who I am.

  (670 Words) 12-10-2021 

October Open Spaces

 

Open Spaces

Vol. 21.11

By John W. Vander Velden

November 25, 2021

 

I finally sat down to begin this month’s newsletter on the evening of Thanksgiving Day. It was wonderful to spend some hours with family this year. We didn’t last year. COVID changed a great many things didn’t it? But we made up for the lost opportunity and were able to reconnect face to face with those we love. I hope that you were able to get together with your special people as well.

Christmas is only a month away and if your home is like ours that sets a busy schedule for these coming weeks. Yet I feel it is important to remember what separates December 25^th from the other 364 days. Christmas is the day we celebrate the birth of Christ...and with His birth the world changed. I’m sure you have heard it a thousand times, Jesus is the reason for the season, well in our home we know it is true. During this insanely busy season, take some time to remind yourself about why you celebrate Christmas.

Now for a bit of writing news.

I have finally finished my first editorial revisions. The story has changed dramatically since I began this step in early February. I mean even the title has been changed. But soon, probably in January, I will send this draft of With the Sun’s Rising to my editor for her take on the story. At almost 650 pages it has been a major undertaking to hone this work into this new story.

It is my hope my readers will enjoy this chapter of Elizabeth’s life.

I have only one more Author’s Event left this year. It has been a thrill to be able to meet with readers once again for the three events I have had this month. Having the opportunity to come face to face with these wonderful people has been a benefit I had not expected. It may be the best part of publishing my books and makes the thousands of hours to create them well spent.

If you are in Goshen, Indiana, Friday December 3^rd, stop by FABLES BOOKS, 215 S. Main Street, between 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM, take a moment and say hello.

So I will close this month’s newsletter with these few words. Thanksgiving should remind us of how blessed we are. To be thankful brightens our day. Make a habit of counting your blessings.

So on this day remember that God loves you. He loved you yesterday. He will love you tomorrow. God never abandons...never.

May blessings come your way.

John 

Benny's Adventure

 

Benny’s Adventure

By John W. Vander Velden

 

Hi I’m Benny, just ordinary Jeep, if there is such a thing. But you can’t know how hard it is to share a garage with my older sister, Pearl. She goes on and on about the trips John and Jackie have taken her. How she carried them rough and rumble up and down five miles of private lane so they could hike another two miles to reach Montreal Falls. Or the other times they went to UP Michigan and mushed and mudded ten miles trying to get to Crisp Point Lighthouse, only to mud their way out to find a better route.

Every night it’s the same thing, “I remember a time in North Carolina, or was it Kentucky.” I’ve been to Kentucky too, so she doesn’t hit me with those trips often. Well I’m here to tell you...and Pearl too...that I had quite an adventure of my own.

I thought she’d turn green when I told her I went to Colorado. I guess its fortunate her white paint didn’t, but I could tell sis was envious. Yes, ole Benny here went Rocky Mountain high, and Pearl, she hadn’t even crossed the Mississippi River. Ha!

Coming out of the clouds

I can’t say I cared much for the traffic, being an outdoorsy guy, but I held my own. The Denver area is hectic, to say the least, silly cars and trucks everywhere and all in a hurry. But Colorado is more than Denver, and we went to see the mountains, and we did. Drove high enough to be in the clouds on our way into Estes Park. The road winds this way and that up, up, up, and then drops into the pocket where that town can be found. Pretty county Estes park. Had to stop to let a herd of Elk cross the road. A bunch of them. Saw Big Horn Sheep standing on the side of the rock like it was flat ground. Yes, that was a fun day. Pearl, sorry you couldn’t come. Not!

I guess I shouldn’t rub it in, but pay backs are... Well you know what they are.

Estes Park

We also drove down to Garden of the Gods the views and the red rocks were unbelievable. The sun shown that morning which made the day extra fantastic. On another time, John and Jackie took a scenic train ride just outside of Georgetown. I wanted to ride too, but it’s a narrow gauge railroad and didn’t have Jeep seating. I guess I didn’t mind too much waiting in the parking lot. Parked beside me was a Subaru from Iowa, which was cool but the dogs kept interrupting our conversation.

Garden of the Gods

We went to Loveland and through Longmont and Boulder visited with friends and relatives, had supper with Nick several times in Arvada, but my favorite part was the drive we took the last day on CO 103. Wow, that road has more curves than a bottle of jelly worms. Echo Lake was worth the stop...twice. We crossed eleven thousand feet on that road and pulled off the road several times ‘cause John took lots of pictures.  Next time we’ll drive up to Mount Evans, the highest paved road in the continental U.S.. Not that I need payment you understand, but driving up to fourteen thousand feet would be so cool!

Anyway, now when my sister begins bragging about Door County, Wisconsin or the Keweenaw Peninsula or a hundred other places, I just dim my headlights and dream of Colorado.

Echo Lake...didn't I say it was worth the stop

View from near the top

This is Benny sayin' happy travels...

October Open Spaces

 

Open Spaces

By John W. Vander Velden

Vol, 21.10

October 25, 2021

I have been reminded, repeatedly, that Halloween is this weekend. Not that I am big into ghosts and goblins or witches and such, though I have written a spooky stories in the past. But the approach of Halloween is a certain sign that the month of October is coming to its conclusion.

Where does the time go?

I suppose that’s a question we all ask ourselves. Especially those of us that have some frosting blended within the few strands of upon our heads. Time rushes onward and carries us along like it or not.

But October’s ending means we are well into autumn...a season of transitions.

 So on this rainy day, we’d gotten most of three inches overnight, I consider how the summer’s warmth had slid into late September and most of October. Oh it wasn’t oppressive by any means, just warmer than usual. I told Jackie just yesterday that we normally get the first killing frost around the middle of October.

That’s the farmer in me.

But even as November approaches we haven’t had even a light frost this year. Yet the weather is a changin’. The leaves are falling and there is no doubt the days are shorter. I am reminded that each year is different. It helps to keep us on our toes. So enjoy the good weather days, and bundle up for the others.

Now for a bit of writing news.

I have finished the first pass of the editorial revise of my next book. A major task completed. I am, presently reading With the Sun’s Rising, the third book of the Misty Creek Saga, out loud to Jackie. It’s her first exposure to this volume and an opportunity for me to catch errors I have missed. Things like repeated words, echoes my editor calls them, or opening too many paragraphs with identical words. I keep my eyes open for “crutch” phrases. Word groups I use far too often. Fact is each time I read through a manuscript I stumble onto mistakes, but reading the text out loud, verbalizing the scenes, helps to catch many of them.

I also have three Author Events scheduled in the next six weeks. The first is less than two weeks away on Saturday November 6^th from 2:00PM until 4:00PM, hosted by my friends at La D’zert Café, 401 N. Michigan Street, Plymouth, IN. I am very excited to once again have the opportunity to meet with readers face to face.

The next events will be in the Bell Memorial Public Library, downtown Mentone, Indiana on Tuesday evening, November 16^th, 4:30PM – 6:30PM. I love going to libraries, don’t you? The third will be in Fables Books downtown Goshen, Indiana, on Friday evening December 3^rd 6:00PM until 8:00PM.

If you’re in the area of any of these events, please stop by.

Well I need to wrap things up, so let me close with something Eloise Jenkins shares within the pages of With the Sun’s Rising, when she tells Elizabeth that, Change is not the enemy.

I for one HATE change, and maybe you do as well. But the Handcock’s Bluff shopkeeper’s words carry some truth. Living means facing changes. Some are appreciated. Many are not. But we can, with God’s help, continue our life’s journey, accepting the changes that come. And in the end find that change never intended to undo us.

So as the weather changes, as this month ends and another begins, as we look toward the end of this year, we recognize that each day...each and every day...brings with it changes. Embrace the new days. Experience the new opportunities, knowing that you are never alone, for God is with you, today, tomorrow, and always.

Blessings,

John

 

 

September Open Spaces

 

Open Spaces

Vol.: 21.9

By John W. Vander Velden

 

The year seems to be rushing past without pausing for a breath. And in the rush of days we hurry to keep up.

We all long for days to become normal, or at least resemble what we would consider normal. Yet the Delta variant of COVID is stirring things up once again. I continue to take precautions, and some ways have stepped back to my pre-vaccination self. I keep my mask handy and avoid large gatherings. Thus far Jackie and I have avoided this dreaded virus. We will do our best to keep healthy. So please take care of yourself and your loved ones. And we pray that one day our lives beneath the shadow of COVID-19 will be no more than a story we tell our grandchildren.

Our September has been dry. That has not been the case for everyone. News of weather disasters around the country break our hearts. Especially the Gulf Coast that has been hit time and again. Their lives upended is surely a difficult situation to endure again. Yet all the while the western part of our country burns. Thousands of acres and countless structures have become no more than ash. So I feel the problems I face minuscule in comparison.

For we have escaped the worse storms, have been spared earthquakes, floods, and fires. Yet we pray for all those that have been less fortunate. That the aid they need to rebuild comes and with it the hope that rebuilding requires.

It takes courage to live, even during ordinary circumstances, doesn’t it? So today I hope that you too have the courage to stride out and attack each day God gives. To step forward and make a difference. Whether you believe your actions are minor or magnificent in unimportant. Know any move in the correct direction is positive. I say be bold!

Now for a bit of writing news:

When it comes to this editorial revise that has consumed me (not literally it just feels like it), I can see the light at the end of a very long tunnel. And more, I see it clear enough to know it is much more than headlights approaching in the blackness. I am hoping to complete this step in the next six weeks.

I thank you for your patience.

Am I completely pleased at what the story has become? Won’t be able to make that distinction until after I have finished and read through the NEW version. But pleased or not completing this step will be a very ah-ha moment.

So I will leave you with this thought. Once I doubted I could ever write a book. To craft pages others might want to read. But I remember a motivational speaker I saw on a news program years ago. He stated, and I paraphrase, if you write only one page a day, in a year you CAN write a 365 page book. I took that to heart and began this journey, page by page. I remind others that feel overwhelmed one word, one step, one act of kindness, one positive ANYTHING, adds to the whole. It is one more than existed before. Do that ONE thing and upon that ONE thing you will be able to stand. And from that new place you will be able to add another and another.

Never forget...no matter where you find yourself on your own life’s journey...you do not stand alone. For even in your darkest time, during those moments you feel most alone, when fear does its best to make the future seem impossible, or when you feel your weary bones cannot carry you even one step further, God, Master of the Universe, is nearer than your next breath. God will never abandon...NEVER!

Blessings,

John W. Vander Velden

  

Jackie's Last Day

 

Jackie’s Last Day

By John W. Vander Velden

 

Today was Jackie’s last day. Even for me it is hard to imagine that the day has come when she could turn her white jacket. But it is a time of many emotions. A time of accomplishment...certainly. But it is also a day filled with melancholy...as if she has left a portion of the task unfinished...abandoned, and failed friends that must struggled on without her.

Today was a very different day than the time I had set my farming days behind. The task for me was a slow winding down of duties. A series of steps one month following the other. A carefully planned exit. Jackie’s exit was planned as well, but there was no gradual blend from her working time to the time that comes NOW. She went to work this morning and when the shift ended so did the more than forty years of service she gave.

The change was very abrupt.

Perhaps too much so.

The joy and tears of this week will carry on for a time. It will also take us a bit, to get used to this new normal. But we will. Life is meant to be lived and we intend to keep right on living while we can. To do some of the things that past scheduling made difficult. Now Jackie can make her own timeline.

During these final days, people have stopped by the pharmacy to tell my dearest that she had made a difference. It is a sentiment I have repeated for thirty-two years. My modest wife in unable to register the magnitude of the effects that her years have made. God love her.

I love her too, and am proud to say that Jacqueline C. Vander Velden is my wife. The woman who did her part to serve the health care of our community for most of her career, considers herself only a minor player of a very large team. She would shun the award she so deserves. Jackie will tell you it was just the profession she chose while yet in John Glenn High School. Day in and day out, this pharmacist would tell you, I was doing my job.

Perhaps.

But I disagree and stand humbly in her shadow.

For the people of Plymouth, Indiana benefited from her care, her diligence, and her compassion.

So today on this fourth day of September 2021, I give her my congratulations for all the years of your service. You, my love, have reached this special moment with honor and dignity. Retirement is not an ending, but the beginning of a new adventures. And I am pleased...so very pleased... I am able to share this next chapter, as I have shared the one just completed, with you.

John   

Across the Street

 

Across the Street

 

By John W. Vander Velden                       

 

For over twenty-seven years, William did not cross the street. 

 Five days a week William drove to his work, coming north on Harrison Street, turning right, finding a space in the company lot, but he never crossed the street.  Walking into the large building, to the elevator and the third floor.  Out of the elevator, turning right once again, down the hallway…the space between rows of cubicles…those doorless four and a half foot tall gray fiberboard enclosures.  William walked past thirteen, then turned right a third time to a space containing a metal desk and moderately comfortable chair.  It was time to work.  Will placed himself in that chair, as he began booting up the computer, work begun. 

 The hour delegated for his lunch found William in the windowless break room surrounded by walls of pastels…soft blues and greens.  There among others, each day he ate, often speaking of things that really did not matter, but he never crossed the street.  When at last William’s day ended…the task left unfinished to be attacked once more on the morrow…he left the third floor. 

He left the building. 

He left the parking space. 

He left the company lot…but he did not go across the street.  

For across the street was a space…a space reserved for anyone…a space of trees and grass…a small pool of water with bright orange fish…a space where birds could be heard…where the wind could be felt…where the sun would warm…but William never crossed the street. 

(265 Words) 9-5-2013