Foot Off the Throttle

Foot Off the Throttle 

By John W. Vander Velden

I work for myself.  And working for myself means I have to decide how I get things done.  It also means that there is no one else to do it.  Everyone deals with their obligations in their own way, but there is always so much that needs to be done.  Though I have been fortunate to have lived my life out and about, surrounded by the wonders of the world, the pace that drives me has given little time to take in the continuous daily wonders.  It’s kinda’ like eating.  Like wolfing down food because you need to “eat ta live” but not really tasting it.  The banquet has been always within reach, but time, it seems, insufficient.  This morning I paused just a moment…only a moment…to take in the wonder of the fog that lay in each dip of the fields.  The sun rose a bright sphere cutting through golden fog.  It took my breath away.  It reminded me of the thousands of mornings I have shared space, but rarely shared...really shared.  Even now I am multi-tasking.  While I write, a wagon is filling with corn to take to the elevator.  I can see the wagon from where I sit at this keyboard.  

Sorry have to go, the wagons almost full. 

I’m back. 

The thing is that all the years I have driven myself as hard as I can.  It’s hard to decelerate.  Even now when the years have slowed these bones, I am angered that I just don’t move as quickly as I used to.  But pushing keeps these bones a moving and I prefer moving to the alternative.  But maybe the time is come that I need to take my foot off the throttle…just a little.  To take the time to taste the flavor of each day.  To breathe in…deeply…and notice really notice the air that surrounds me.  I know I have earned the right, but I need to convince myself I deserve to simply take the time.  It seems, to me, greedy to indulge.  There is after all so much to do.  Time for leisure…well that’s not me.  Oh I take a day off now and then but regularly…naw…. But maybe I should. 

Even now as I move from one phase of my life to another there are obligations.  People look to me to “get things done”, maybe because I can.  I don’t expect to just sit in a rocker and watch the world pass by.  But I might like to move a bit slower…not to go full throttle all the time.  I’ll think on it but for now, I’ve got to go the other wagon is nearly full.  Then to the elevator.  Then maybe lunch. When I get back from lunch I will open the vents and start the dryer. Then fill the wagons again and off to the elevator.  Hopefully the dryer will be done when I return so I can refill it.  And of course a few “odd duck” small jobs in the between time…hmmm.   You get the idea…  Maybe I should take my foot off the throttle…just not today.   

(527 Words)  11-26-2016