Through the Tunnel

Through the Tunnel

By John W. Vander Velden  

 

 

Though we feel in a tunnel,

As pitch surrounds.

But even in the darkness a light can be seen.

Perhaps it is dim.

Perhaps it is far off.

But there is a light

And in that light lies hope.

 

How can we endure?

The darkness has swallowed us.

Hours seem unending, as slowly

They blend into days, to weeks, to years.

Our yearning hearts long for more.

But there is light

And in that light resides hope.

 

Do we remain frozen within the darkness?

Can we not see possibilities?

Far off is not beyond our grasp.

For darkness breeds mistrust,

And mistrust feeds fears.

Fear weakens,

It steals our moral compass.

It replaces the truth with imagined strength.

Imagined strength creates false security.

False security swallows our freedoms

By stomping on the weak and helpless.

 

But there is a LIGHT

To guide…

And in that LIGHT lives HOPE!

(148 Words)         9/8/2017

Like Clockwork

 

By John W. Vander Velden

 

Is it like clockwork or like clockworks?  There is a difference.  But before I go into semantics how about a bit of basics.  Before the age of electronic timekeepers that have no, that’s right, no moving parts, all clocks and watches were intricate devices driven by springs or motors and controlled by balance wheels or pendulums.  The hands, remember those, moved slowly around the face linked to gears and more gears.  Those springs, balance wheels, and gears were known as clockworks, or in essence the mechanism that made keeping accurate time possible.

Those clockworks had been perfected by centuries of the building of clocks.  Jackie and I love to visit “Clock Stores” to see the massive grandfather and grandmother clocks.  I’m a gear kinda’ guy, so I stare at the beautiful, at least I think they’re beautiful, gears, all brass and shiny hiding beneath the grand face.  I examine them though the side glass.  Most move so slowly that you can not begin to perceive motion.  But the pendulum swings tripping the cog that holds back the gleaming weights that drop ever so slightly with each sway.  Amazing basic mechanics!  There is nothing but a vibrating quartz crystal, a battery, a microscopic silicone chip, and a display in today’s watches for example.  But the quartz watch is more accurate.  It requires less care and no thought.  The time is right there on your wrist, providing the battery holds up.  Having the correct time is what matters, isn’t it?

Maybe.  But something is missing, at least I feel something is missing.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to wear a windup tickity-tick on my wrist.  I can’t sleep with one of those windup alarm clocks of ages gone by.  I know, I tried. Tick-tick-tick in the dark drives this guy crazy.  But I am enthralled by the solid “real”, apparently complex, gear meshing with gear meshing with gear mechanism that make those grand clocks work. 

But there is the other form…like clockwork.  A symbolic phase about how things just fall into place or proceed exactly in the manner they should.  Such as B follows smoothly after A and C comes precisely after B kinda’ thing.  I don’t know how your life goes but mine…well, clockwork does not describe my normal day to day.  But it is the glitches in the mechanism that forces us to find new solutions, and we learn more about ourselves in the process.

So whether we are talking about the stuff that make up mechanical timepiece innards or the smooth procession of actions or events, we can use the same phase.  But though we are pleased when life moves alone by clocklike precision, we should not run around with our hands in the air when it doesn’t.  I try to tell myself this as I race around the room cooling my palms.  Breathe John, breath.  I don’t particularly enjoy the added stress, but I have endured the un-clockwork before and shall, I hope, overcome today’s difficulties as well.  Life ain’t easy folks, and anyone that has told you otherwise was less than truthful.

All the same I might enjoy a few days when things move along like clockwork.

(533 Words)  9-21-2017  

 

Thoughts of Parenting

Thoughts of Parenting        

 

By John W. Vander Velden

 

My thoughts go back to Jackie’s first Mother’s Day.  As that day approached she had only one wish…that Nick would come home from the hospital.  Such a simple sentiment, yet it underscores the significance of that emotional time of our lives, and the willing sacrifice a parent makes.  The bond between parent and child is complex.  The binding begins before birth and though many a child would like that cord severed, for most parents the depth of that connection is life long.  Only parents can understand…and not all do.  A grown child might assume that he or she knows what being a parent means…but it’s impossible.  You must be a parent…a real connected parent…to begin the process of learning all the subtle shades of that duty.

Anxiety comes with the task.  The level varies from high to lower but never leaves.  How can you not worry?  Our years bring pains and disappointments that we hated.  How can we not wish to isolate our child…the focus of our lives…from all the difficulties that living has?  Of course it is impossible.  Of course the hard times builds strength.  Of course overcoming failures builds character.  And we wish these things for our son…but…does it have to be as hard on him as it was on us.

Parents sign on to an important obligation.  I wish all parents recognized that. But we didn’t know what it meant…really.  No one does.  So that even now, twenty-nine years later, we struggle unsure of our role.  We learn by doing, but we had been fortunate to have had good parents, so our tool chest has a few helpful pieces.  Yet the world is in flux.  And so we wonder, doubt ourselves constantly as we trudge onward, one day at a time.

Does it get easier?  Yes and no.  Perhaps the load seems lighter because we have carried so long.  Perhaps the years have hardened our nerve endings.  Perhaps we force ourselves to give a little space…then a little more…hoping our young bird flies true.  But we continue to worry that lessons we have taught have “stuck”.  That the moral code that holds our life together…the very base of it at least, resides within his heart.  For truth can be shown…but I don’t believe it can be taught…it has to be felt to become real.  And what is obvious to me, might not be so clear cut to him.

There are times I feel that Nick is on a raft being carried downstream on swift waters.  I run along the riverbank watching, shouting warnings, and instructions, but the roar of the river quashes my voice.  I push through brambles, trip over tree roots and rock, doing my best to keep abreast of the son on the river…and he doesn’t even notice.  I guess that’s my best description of parenting.

You see I can’t move the rocks and snags out of the river ahead of him.  I can’t change the speed the water races along.  I cannot prevent any disaster that lies ahead.  I have come to the point that all I can do is hope I taught him enough skills to handle the raft when he faces these things.  How well he handles the adversities of life will be the measure of the man he has become.  And it is by that measure, my role as parent will at last become apparent…its good or its lacking.  It is for others to judge…and ultimately GOD’s.  For HE alone placed that responsibility in my hands…a responsibility I take seriously to this day. 

Each day I pray for my son.  That’s part of my being his parent.  I pray that he remains safe and well.  I pray that he does not abandon TRUTH as he searches for answers to simpler questions.  I pray that he finds his way, and knows he has NEVER wandered alone.  I pray he understands that love is more than ANY thing.  That love comes in many forms, but in the end, love’s only source is GOD.  I pray he recognizes the importance of family, and never forgets the ROCK SOLID foundation on which we stand. 

It seems a lot to expect, in a world of shifting sand and doubting minds.  A world where old truths are cast aside without a second thought.  In a world that seemed filled with a “me first” mindset…let the other guy take care of himself.  Yet somewhere amid the turbulence amid the chaos I remain optimistic.  For I know that the truth remains…TRUE.  And I believe Nick will find the truth.  I have to, you see, I’m a parent…it comes with the turf….

(791 Words) 5-13-2017

 

 

 

I Loved Working in the Rain             

By John W. Vander Velden

 

I loved working in the rain.  Not the fix the roof in the rain, or chopping corn out of the soybeans in the rain.  But I loved feeding the cows when the rain fell.  I would hear the tap-tap-tap of the raindrops on the hood of my sweatshirt.  Feel the cool dampness that slowly soaked through.  Maybe all the extra sensations made me feel alive.  Who knows?  But that changed when I caught pneumonia, or almost pneumonia.  My lungs rumbled for weeks.  That took the fun out of it.

It was March a long time ago.  Jackie can tell you when.  We had gone to Fort Pulaski, near Savanna, Georgia.  For all points and purposes we had the historical site to ourselves, because it was raining.  Not a downpour, you understand, but a steady unrelenting drizzle.  I didn’t give it much thought.  I loved walking in the rain.  I took my pictures, the main reason I had come, and enjoyed the time with my beloved while we saw this amazing structure.

I paid for it days later after we came home.  And I knew the cause.  Rain, cold, and being stupid…

I used to love working in the rain…twenty-nine years ago.  Or almost.  Now I am more careful.  There is no need to become the “wet dog”…if you get my meaning.  But that caution has caused something to go missing.  There are times when the air is warm that I pull on my hooded sweatshirt and wander for a few moments in the rain.  Not enough to get soaked you understand.  But just long enough to remember.  I loved working in the rain.

(274 Words)  4-12-2017

Like Riding a Bike

 

 

Like Riding a Bike               

 

By John W. Vander Velden

 

You have heard the adage…”Just like riding a bike”.  You know things learned that are not forgotten.  Well mostly.  I will not argue that there are things learned on the subconscious level that are so ingrained into our minds that we can trust they remain.  Riding a bike is one of them.  To attack the process of balancing on two wheels logically will result in failure.  Sometimes there are things you just have to learn by doing.

How did you learn to ride a bike?  That’s assuming you did learn.  Not everyone does.  I remember teaching my son and a nephew how to ride.  You know running along side with one hand on the seat the other on the handlebar, huffing out encouragement until my last wind failed.  I also remember failing to teach another nephew using the same process.  You have to want to learn to ride a bike, even be willing to take a tumble in the process.

I was never as strong as my older brother.  He is likely still stronger.  But having an older brother shapes your perspective.  He could ride a bike and…well, I couldn’t…then.  Fact was I had to learn on my own…mostly.  Hints about steering into the lean and keep pedaling were helpful.  But certainly no training wheels were available.  We had a slight grass covered incline on our farm.  Push the bike to the top, line it with a cement block I had placed so I could climb on, make certain the pedal was right, push off pedal and …fall…bang…ouch!

I remember lying in the grass and wondering what I had done wrong.  No time to dwell on that, get up and repeat the process.  I found myself a few yards further down hill.  Hmmmm…I’m improving.  Like I said you have to want to ride bad enough.  My brother could ride and I had something to prove.  I don’t remember how many times over how many days I worked at learning that skill.  But it likely wasn’t many.  I was a kid after all.  But what mattered was that I did learn and I did ride…a lot.  Sorry Mrs. Lambert.  My high school English teacher said that “a lot” was only a place you build a house.  So I rode a great deal and still do.

I don’t think about turning into the lean or anything else.  I just ride my bike.  So what is this post about?  Bike riding?  Sorta’. About wanting to learn a skill? Closer.   About relying upon those things our minds know without our conscious thoughts, like walking and chewing gum?  Could be.

We trust that we can do things even if we haven’t done them in a while…”just like riding a bike”.  That the skill exists waiting for our need.  I expect that is true about a great many things.  But we should go back to when and where we learned these talents in the first place…the why…and the how…and remember the mindset that drove the learning.  Real learning can’t be forced.  Set kids in a classroom and put a book in front of them, demand they read chapter 235, page 85,022 or whatever.  They’ll be a quiz later.  But pass or fail those facts do not find a real home in his mind if that student does not really want them there.   He needs to want to learn it. 

Back to you and me.  When we want to learn a skill or some information we do what it takes to learn it.  We accept the tumbles…the bruises…skinned knees…to gain that skill.  And if we do…if we really do…then even years later that skill or that knowledge will come to us when we need it most…just “like riding a bike”.

I rely upon the things I have learned.  I take many of those talents for granted.  But everyday I get up and walk, and that should remind me that there was a time I couldn’t.  That thousands of times each day I do things small and larger without a thought, thing I have been taught.  And knowing that, I should understand that I’m not done learning…not yet…not ever.  The desire to learn is still in me.  To me it’s part of life and drives me forward.  Not that every lesson is easy…or fun…or painless.  But just like the improbability of rolling along on two wheels did not deter me, for I did learned to ride a bike, and I will continue to learn…today…tomorrow…and as long God gives me breath.

(768 Words)  2-23-2017