Thoughts of Parenting

Thoughts of Parenting        

 

By John W. Vander Velden

 

My thoughts go back to Jackie’s first Mother’s Day.  As that day approached she had only one wish…that Nick would come home from the hospital.  Such a simple sentiment, yet it underscores the significance of that emotional time of our lives, and the willing sacrifice a parent makes.  The bond between parent and child is complex.  The binding begins before birth and though many a child would like that cord severed, for most parents the depth of that connection is life long.  Only parents can understand…and not all do.  A grown child might assume that he or she knows what being a parent means…but it’s impossible.  You must be a parent…a real connected parent…to begin the process of learning all the subtle shades of that duty.

Anxiety comes with the task.  The level varies from high to lower but never leaves.  How can you not worry?  Our years bring pains and disappointments that we hated.  How can we not wish to isolate our child…the focus of our lives…from all the difficulties that living has?  Of course it is impossible.  Of course the hard times builds strength.  Of course overcoming failures builds character.  And we wish these things for our son…but…does it have to be as hard on him as it was on us.

Parents sign on to an important obligation.  I wish all parents recognized that. But we didn’t know what it meant…really.  No one does.  So that even now, twenty-three years later, we struggle unsure of our role.  We learn by doing, but we had been fortunate to have had good parents, so our tool chest has a few helpful pieces.  Yet the world is in flux.  And so we wonder, doubt ourselves constantly as we trudge onward, one day at a time.

Does it get easier?  Yes and no.  Perhaps the load seems lighter because we have carried so long.  Perhaps the years have hardened our nerve endings.  Perhaps we force ourselves to give a little space…then a little more…hoping our young bird flies true.  But we continue to worry that lessons we have taught have “stuck”.  That the moral code that holds our life together…the very base of it at least, resides within his heart.  For truth can be shown…but I don’t believe it can be taught…it has to be felt to become real.  And what is obvious to me, might not be so clear cut to him.

There are times I feel that Nick is on a raft being carried downstream on swift waters.  I run along the riverbank watching, shouting warnings, and instructions, but the roar of the river quashes my voice.  I push through brambles, trip over tree roots and rock, doing my best to keep abreast of the son on the river…and he doesn’t even notice.  I guess that’s my best description of parenting.

You see I can’t move the rocks and snags out of the river ahead of him.  I can’t change the speed the water races along.  I cannot prevent any disaster that lies ahead.  I have come to the point that all I can do is hope I taught him enough skills to handle the raft when he faces these things.  How well he handles the adversities of life will be the measure of the man he has become.  And it is by that measure, my role as parent will at last become apparent…its good or its lacking.  It is for others to judge…and ultimately GOD’s.  For HE alone placed that responsibility in my hands…a responsibility I take seriously to this day. 

Each day I pray for my son.  That’s part of my being his parent.  I pray that he remains safe and well.  I pray that he does not abandon TRUTH as he searches for answers to simpler questions.  I pray that he finds his way, and knows he has NEVER wandered alone.  I pray he understands that love is more than ANY thing.  That love comes in many forms, but in the end, love’s only source is GOD.  I pray he recognizes the importance of family, and never forgets the ROCK SOLID foundation on which we stand. 

It seems a lot to expect, in a world of shifting sand and doubting minds.  A world where old truths are cast aside without a second thought.  In a world that seemed filled with a “me first” mindset…let the other guy take care of himself.  Yet somewhere amid the turbulence amid the chaos I remain optimistic.  For I know that the truth remains…TRUE.  And I believe Nick will find the truth.  I have to, you see, I’m a parent…it comes with the turf….

(791 Words) 5-13-2017