Just Not Today
By John Vander Velden
This week has had its own flavor. I suppose every week
does. There are weeks of our lives that are sweet. Some that leave a sour
taste, and others that carry a bitterness. One thing is for certain, for us that
stay connected to the life around us, things are rarely bland for long.
But in our family we have been walking on eggshells
for several days. Sending our prayers of concern and love heavenward. Hoping
that somehow the tide would turn, that the waves that sweep along the life of
someone we loved would place her safely on our shore. These past days have been
tense. And on Thursday the week’s flavor resembled the bile that none care to
taste.
With each passing week, we watch as COVID’s reach is
trimmed a tiny bit. Yet the virus strikes and leaves devastation in its wake.
Illness comes most often unexpected, certainly unwanted. Even the best efforts
to keep it outside our door are not always effective. Perhaps it will, before
this pandemic ends, roughly touch every family.
It has touched ours.
It has left its mark that cannot be erased by those
that continue on.
Confusion is not the emotion I feel with the passing, of one of the sparkling lights, of Jackie’s family. The past week, it seemed, we
stood as if watching a train moving passed, coveting the bits of news...hoping
for one turn in in a better direction.
But it seemed the train was bound for a different station than we would have
chosen. She reached that platform Thursday evening.
Comforted that her destination was not some void of emptiness.
She was a woman of faith. Faith in her family. Faith in herself. But in the end
faith in her God and the promises He had made her. Many do not understand the
power of faith. The strength found there.
But knowing her present existence does not eliminate
our present pain. For you see all those that knew her...all those that loved
her...are held separate from the warmth and love she had provided us. Confidence
in her ultimate home does not relieve the suffering of those closest...those whose
lives were bound most securely with hers. Those who, must create a new everyday.... Their lives have been
upended, torn to shreds, with little physically to show for the pain they
suffer. Parting’s pain is real. Loss is something no one yearns to be part of
their...long...lonely...empty days.
How do those closest move onward with the bitter taste
so strong and fresh?
One day at a time.
Faith helps. But God understands that faith does not eliminate
the pain of the broken human
connection. God understands our needs...our hopes...our wants. Loss’s pain is real! Tears are not the indication of
faith’s lacking...they are the signs of the depth of loves existence.
Jesus’ words...Blessed
are those that morn, for they will be comforted, once left me confused. But
I have, over the years, learned a few things. We are unable to morn what we
have not lost...and we cannot lose what we did not have.
Those whose hearts have been broken by this tragedy. Those
that knew Patti best. Those whose lives she had touched. Her husband, her
children, her brother, her co-workers, her close family, we will one day know
we were indeed blessed because we have the reason to morn...the blessing of
sharing this world for a time with an amazing person.
One day we will understand how blessed we are.
Just not today.
(594 Words) 5-22-2021
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