Breathing Room

Breathing Room

By John W. Vander Velden

 

When your child leaves the home, you wonder what your purpose is.  You wonder what might be the best way to deal with this change.  For the relationship that had always existed – or had existed since you brought that child into the world – has taken a new dimension.  Perhaps I understood my son better than his mother.  Not that I loved him more, but no matter what anyone might say gender differences are deeper than physical appearance.  My son and I share “maleness”.  Seems narrow-minded doesn’t it.  But though how I grew up was much different than the world of my son, yet there are those constants, primal quantities, that most males share.  Those little things that at times annoy women and other times draws them near.  And among those things, the need to prove oneself reigns high.  The man needs -- really needs -- to prove himself a man.  He has this absolute requisite to prove to the world that he can “make it”, that he can stand on his own feet, that he must face life’s problems on his strength alone.  Others might find that ridiculous.  But to one just staring out, one venturing on their own, it is a difficult demand they place upon their selves. 

For a parent this is a moment when we must step back – to observe – to wait with our arms outstretched, to catch or pick up our beloved child, knowing they will fall – it’s inevitable.  But how much space must we allow?  Each parent faces this for the first time.  For me and Jackie it would be the only time.  I believe that the distance necessary is different in every case.  Based upon the independence and personality of the child and the experiences they take with them into this new realm.  Just how much breathing room do we, as parents, give someone as they leave on this new part of life’s journey?     

(320 Words)