Friday, February 26, 2016

Shouting Into the Void


Shouting Into the Void

By John W. Vander Velden

 

In a few days, this blog will reach an anniversary.  Each week for four years I have posted.  That's 208 essays, micro stories, excerpts, and brief bits of our travels.  Four years.

Many times I can't help but wonder if these "Ramblings" really reach anyone.  Days when it feels as if I am standing on a hill in a large pasture at midnight shouting out to the darkness, shouting out to the stars, shouting into the void.

I check my blogs statistics.  I see the number of page views that slowly grow.  I see the names of countries across the globe, the places people live, the places people access my feeble words.  These things should bring me satisfaction.  Reinforce my resolve to continue.  Yet I wonder, often, does my words really mean anything, or are they but mumblings of a fool.

I had selfish goals when I began this experiment on March 1st 2012, to build a following, an audience.  I was told a writer needs an internet presence, and blogging was a way to generate that presence.  I knew nothing of blogging at the time.  I’d only read a few.  But I decided that if I would blog it would require a commitment…six months minimum.  I had twenty posts written before I posted the first…that’s four months’ worth.  Like I said commitment.

The work required has always made me wonder if it was the best way to spend my “writing time”.  And taken on the surface, the hours required for each week’s post would seem to be better spent on other projects.  But with the passing of time my opinion has changed…some.  Though I still hope to generate a following, it is no longer the reason I sweat over these short piece.  It is my hope that I have something to say…don’t we all…but more, to have something to say of relevance.

For those that have these years read this blog, whether weekly or at random intervals, I thank you.  But times I ask the question.  Do my words matter?  Do they mean anything at all?  Or am I simply shouting into the void.

(358 Words)                2-23-2016

Thursday, February 18, 2016

In the Box an Excerpt from, My Name is Sam Benton


An excerpt from My Name is Sam Benton, Part 3:  In the Box.

By John W. Vander Velden

 

A bit of background:  Sam Benton is held captive by those that are trying to convince him he is Thomas Weir, the heir of a billionaire.  The prison he finds himself is a concrete box in an abandoned building’s basement.  The tight space offers no real facilities, no running water, no light etc.  This scene follows a moment when he has lost control and shouted at his unknown captors.  In the Box…

 

The fatigue of the morning overtook him.  All the screaming, all the cursing…all the crying, left him exhausted.  The light from the window seemed to indicate the day yet full light when he awoke.  Lunch was waiting on the table, a couple of hamburgers and a large order of fries.  There must be an “Arches” nearby…another piece to the puzzle.  His impulse was to ignore the food…a small act of defiance.  But his gut told him he was hungry…and that starving the wrong battle to wage.  He compromised.  He would eat later…not much later, but later.  He stretched best he was able.  Though the bucket had been emptied the stench still filled the air.  Sam moved to the window, breathing in the soft breeze coming through the upturned corner of flexi-glass, even the smell of the city a preference.

Later, across the room he ate…slowly.  It took determination not to just wolf down the greasy meal, but he would play his pieces carefully.   Sam wondered if he should thank them for the meal.  He knew they could hear.  But would that not be playing into their hand?  Perhaps not.  “I am only getting McDonalds?”  He asked sarcastically.

“Why, does not the food please you?”  Came the clam voice…flatter…he was not there…there outside the door.  Somewhere the man watched, somewhere warm and comfortable, Sam was sure.  He in his soft chair spoke into a microphone that connected to a speaker in the hallway.   Why would they not mount a speaker in this room?  Oh, Sam would tear it down.  But he hadn’t torn down the cameras.  Benton felt the threats made real enough he avoided the devices.  Later…soon…he would see if he could determine just how far away his “keepers” remained as they watched him.  Later.

“Oh, the burgers were OK,” he answered slowly, “but I would kinda’ like a steak now and then.”

The chuckle eliminated any doubt to the sound coming from a speaker to the right of the doorway.  “You are so amusing, Tom.  But perhaps later, if you cooperate, something can be arranged.”

“Cooperate?  How?”  Sam considered the choice of words.  Trapped in this concrete box how could he not cooperate.  He had done his best to remain calm…well most of the time anyway.  He had not tried to escape…mostly because escaping was impossible…at the moment.  So he wondered…what did they need?

“Tut, tut, with time, Tom, with time.” 

Sam looked toward the doorway.  He would play along…for now.  “Hey if it gets me out of here I’ll…”  Sam allowed his voice to trail off.

“You will do what, Tom?”  The voices pitch rose slightly.

“Hey, you got me here, this is not such a great place ya know.  I mean there’s no real heat and we won’t even talk about the bathroom.  If you let me out of this box, I might do almost anything.”  Sam hoped he was convincing.

That chuckle again.  “Oh Mr. Weir, you are such a comedian.”  Then the voice changed became softer, deeper.  “You will cooperate, Mr. Weir of that there is no question.  You will do what we tell you, when we tell you.  Or…”

“Or you’ll kill me.”  Sam shouted.

“This ordeal will end as you wish.”  The deepened calm voice went on.  “Something to think about.”  Then silence, only the sound of heater filled Sam’s ears.

Benton had pressed himself against the door, looking out through the grated portal into the dark hallway.  He had seen nothing but this room since he closed his eyes in the Corry Street Mission.  But he had heard a great deal.  Returning to the bed he began to think about what he had heard.  He moved backwards from the sound of the door closing.  Footsteps, Sam had heard the footsteps of three people…men likely…in the hall as they came to this place.  That made sense.  It would have been him with the two guys holding him by the arms.  But not more just three.  But there had to be more.  He remembered the steps, counting the steps remembering the turns.  Sam could visualize the way out.  Out this door, to the left, maybe a hundred feet of hall way…he remembered the echoes…to the right, up six steps a landing, left and left again, six steps, a landing, a yard maybe two, left again and back the way they had come.  That hallway was directly above this one.  That hallway was longer a lot longer maybe twice as long.  A right turn a short distance, the sound different there…an open space a door and then steps. The steps seemed odd.  Three short steps, not that the treads were short.  No, there was very little lift one to the other.  The outside steps were shorter than the stairs with the landings…only half as high.  It seemed to Sam they could have made it just two steps or one for that matter.  In truth, if he could see he likely could have bypassed the steps entirely, just stepped up to the platform at the doorway.

Sam sat back on the bed again.  He thought about those steps.  They were unusual…awkward.  Not likely a way traveled by many.  Perhaps some brick had been stacked for his benefit.  Sam shook his head as he dwelt upon that particular anomaly.

“What are you thinking about, Tom?”  The clam voice asked?

“How the water in the shower was cold again this morning.  Can’t you get the Super to fix that worthless water heater?”

Chuckling again.

“I’m glad you find my situation so funny.  You know it doesn’t feel so funny from in here.”

“And here I thought you were enjoying your stay with us.  You must admit it is better than the streets.”

“Is it?”

“Certainly.  Here you have a bed and food.  Surely that is better than sharing a sidewalk grate with that big black man.”

“At least on the street I knew who my friends were.”  Sam scowled.

“You have no friends, Tom.  You have never had friends.  Your whole life has been a lie.”

“And this,” Sam shouted, “this is the truth.”

“More truth than you realize.”  The calm voice returned.

“And next you are going to tell me you’re my friend.”  Sam huffed.

“I could be.”  The voice smooth.  “Your first real friend.”

“Leave me alone!” Sam shouted.  “I’m tired of your lies.”

Sam refused to hear what the calm voice said next.  Moving nearer the heater he allowed the thrumming to drown out the sickly sweet words…the lies meant to break him.  Sam pushed his face against the window grate allowing the musty scents to fill his nostrils as he blanked out the noise that filled his space.

 

Determination!


Determination!                  

By John W. Vander Velden

 

There are some advantages to age.  Though some might disagree with what I consider positives.  I feel those of us that have had “more water flow over the dam than remains in the lake”, my own quote, No Turning Back, can, having lived, look back.  And looking back, if we do so honestly, learn something.

One of the important lessons I have learned is, that nothing of value is accomplished without effort.  Certainly there are those things that seem to fall into our lap, but by and large it takes sweat, it takes effort, it takes determination.

I write…no surprise there…I mean this blogpost is written.  I enjoy writing.  The time and effort I give to the creation of “new worlds and people” is a joy.  But those that know “writing” understand that the first draft is the easy part.  Once the concept has been laid out, the thousands and thousands of words, the building blocks of a story, has first been assembled, the work really begins.  Work, like the four letter word it is.  Not that every aspect of “revising” is a burdenous task, but much of it is hard work.  But I had a choice…leave my novel on the shelf, or make it better…force it to be better…chew it up spit and it out better!  That like so many of the things I have done all the years of my life it required determination.

Years ago I visited an uncle in a rehabilitation hospital.  The nurses at the station told me that my uncle was stubborn.  I told the ladies there, they did not know the man.  For if they knew how he had left everything behind, parents, home, and country.  How he came to the United States with a wife and two small children and little else.  How he had taken nothing and made it something, to become a man of property.  That with his faith and courage but most of all with determination he had succeeded where thousands had failed.  No some might call my uncle stubborn...and perhaps he was, but I knew he was determined. 

So as I began this post, looking back I see that every little thing I have done, every little accomplishment, each goal reached, demanded…determination.  That determination was the only thing that was common to every one of those events.  That determination…everyday dogged determination got me through when the fields were too wet…when they sky turned off its faucet and the land became dust…when the extreme cold caused the feeders, waterers, the everything to quit working, when the cow needed to be flipped, or when a calf had to be pushed back into its mother so its legs could be rearranged to make its birth possible.  That determination was need each and every day.

What have I learned?  That if something is worth doing, then it takes effort…but more…it takes determination.

(489 Words)    2-18-2016

 

 

 

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Marty Should Have Known


Marty Should Have Known                             

By John W. Vander Velden

 

Marty should have known.  He really should have known that he could never build a relationship with Dannielle.  After all she had been Stanbury High School’s head cheerleader and homecoming queen.  But Marty always loved her, well not always.  Not when he strode around growling in kindergarten with his hands chest high and fingers curled.  Godzilla had its effect on his childhood. Or when he was in third grade playing ball tag with Joey and Steven at recess.  But Marty had loved her since the fifth grade when he was overpowered by golden curls and mystical overwhelming feelings he had not understood then.  Honestly he did not understand those feelings now.  All he knew was that he was in love.

That’s why he was attending Tollen College.  He had the grades and test scores to go anywhere he pleased, but Dannielle was going to Tollen, and Marty was in love.  This first year he had seen her on campus four times, said hi as they passed, once.  He knew she noticed…probably noticed…might have noticed.   Surly she had for Dannielle called him in March.  Imagine that Dannielle calling him.  Well actually, she did not know his cell’s number so she called his mother who passed along the message.

Oh, but the world changed then.  They spent nearly every evening together, well three times each week, studying.  Just to think of those hours took his breath away.  And when he handed her the term paper he had done for her on “The Rise of Nationalism in 19th Century Europe” she kissed him.  It wasn’t on the lips you understand, but the left cheek is close, isn’t it?  Marty nearly swooned.  Even now the thought sent his pulse racing.  How sweet she was those special days always smiling, laughing at his comments.  But after finals, well, it was …over…kaput…don’t bother me…just who do you think you are?

Yes, Marty should have known.  He really should have known, but he couldn’t help it he still loved Dannielle.  Well, maybe next semester…

(340 Words)                2-9-2016

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Endurance


Endurance

By John W. Vander Velden                          

 

Does it not seem, that often only the swift honored?  The fastest runners, the fastest drivers…the fastest!  We cheer from the stands the fast, the strong.  There is no harm…but what of the others?  Those that try and try, those certain fame, honor and victory beyond grasp, but never beyond their dream.  Have we, by honoring some, overlooked others?  Oh, there can be but one winner!  And “to the victor go the spoils”.  So true!  Often those that reach that lofty goal have only achieved success through hours upon hours of invisible work.  Certainly they deserve applause…their moment of fame.  Yet, I honor those that never give up, those that strive unseen day following day, determination their only fuel.  For they pursue dreams unknown to others, chasing accomplishments which only they value. There is a need for persistence, the dogged continuous drive toward what others insist beyond reach.  Perhaps no cheering stands await those persistent…the courageous…the determined…those which failure not an option…those that endure!  Placing one foot before the other, often facing challenges few know, putting blood and sweat on the line, as blending into the masses, unnoticed.  For those that each day brings challenges most difficult.  For those that face hardships we could never imagine.  For those ignored…looked down upon…spat on…and belittled.  For those that never give up…though weary…often disheartened.  For those survival their greatest victory, are there no accolades?  Perhaps the world does not notice, but I believe God places great value on…endurance!

 

Friday, February 5, 2016

64


64

By John W. Vander Velden

It seems that birthdays are among those times that sends our minds to thinkin’.  We look toward the future, but it seems a time we dwell on our past.  Nothing odd in considering the road that
has brought us to this particular mile marker.  I don’t think we should forget the steps taken, and the steps not taken.  Life to me is a journey…and mine is not finished…not by a long shot.  God willin’.  Of course none of us know how much pavement lies ahead of us, or all the bumps and “chuck” holes either.  Makes the trip interesting.  Maybe that is why I look backward as much as I do.  It’s like hiking up a mountain trail with its twists and turns.  You can’t see but a few yards in front of you, but you are all too familiar with the sweat and strain that you have expended.  It is only when you reach a clearing and see just how high you have reached that it seems worth the effort.

I guess my life is like that.  Each day I scurry along doing all the things that “I” think need to be accomplished.  In the hustle I don’t take the time to see things very clearly.  But as my birthday approaches, I reach the clearing, take a moment, and I can see just how high I have come.  Like I said birthdays can do that to a guy.  It upsets Jackie that I do not place greater value on who I am and what I have achieved.  But it is my nature…and I don’t think that humility is a bad thing.  But the truth is when I look in the mirror I see my failings all too well.  I see someone that has not worked hard enough…someone that has failed many times…someone that should be bolder…I see me, “warts and all”.  Too often I focus on the stumbles ignoring most of the forward strides. 

Maybe birthdays are a good time to stop…catch a breath…look HONESTLY…to acknowledge just how far we have come.  On Monday I will have climbed that mountain trail for 64 years.  I will stop, if only for a few minutes, to take in the view.  I will ignore the small voice that says “but what if”, and take in the magnificent panorama of thousands of small accomplishments, “the what ares”, that have step by step brought me to this place.  I will consider my talents, gifts that God has given, that make me unique.  But I will also look forward, understand that I yet have “something” to do.  That my “growth” has not ended, and a grander view awaits just out of sight but before me.

On Monday I will be 64…and if God ain’t done with me…well then…I ain’t done either!

(478 Words)       2-3-2016