Thirty Years

Thirty Years

 

By John W. Vander Velden

 

There are mileposts in our lives. Things that stand out. Some we recognize in the distance and gladly await, feeling certain of the changes that will come. Becoming a teenager, perhaps, or the day we leave out teen years behind. Some stand out as an award on their own. A powerful statement of accomplishment. Surely none of us will forget our graduation(s) and what we thought that mile marker meant. There are other things that come upon us, some happy others not so much, but they are significant moments in our lives. Some revealed as public celebrations others marks of private sorrow. In truth we share those as well; it is just parts of life.

For me there is a mile marker that comes each year. In the hectic-ness of my days I can appreciate the significance of the marker that picks up a bit of value with each passing. On Monday I meet that signpost for the thirtieth time, and find myself bit surprised. Not by the fact that Jackie and I are still married, but rather that somehow thirty years have passed since that snowy afternoon I committed my life to hers. Or more accurately we committed our lives to each other.

Thirty years. In a world when we witness too many throwaway relationships, somehow Jackie and I have ridden out the storms and become stronger in the process. I have no secret to share. We move forward…together. I guess that says it all. It seems to me that love is an intangible. You can’t measure it with a ruler, or measuring cup, or weigh it on a balance. You can’t reach out and pluck it out of the air and hold it. It isn’t like that…it’s so much more. Those that experience love, real love, are fortunate. But love is more than just the intangible force that can sweep a person away…it is a commitment. It is deciding to love someone, to give each day not expecting anything in return. That is real love. And to find someone that feels the same way about you, someone that has decided to love you in that same way, without keeping score, just loving, is the most wonderful thing that can happen to any of us.

So thirty years is a mark I will savor. I will not wonder about the number of years that lay before us, for I did not begin this shared journey as a young man. But I will take a bit of time and look back at a frightened couple that stood before their family and friends, that stood before God Almighty, daring to pledge themselves to each other…forever…no matter what, and how I feared myself insufficient for the task.

You see, I never doubted Jackie, I doubted myself.

They were not thirty years of only butterflies and rainbows. They were thirty years of life, of highs and lows, of laughter and tears, of joys and pains. Together we have grown, and growing we have learned, and learning we became a bit wiser, and through that small touch of wisdom we understood each other better, and with that understanding we became bound in ways I could never have imagined.

It is love. More than infatuation, more than romance, though romance is necessary, it is more than passion, even though passion is an important ingredient. Love is all those things and so much more. It is reaching the place where you cannot imagine your life without your soul mate.

That is love, and that is where I find myself now after thirty years 

 

(602 Words) 3-15-2019